Real People Stories – Benjamin

My girlfriend got a test with HPV. Did she cheat on me? I (32 M) and my girlfriend (35 F) have been together for around 4 years and have lived together for around 3 years.

Sex Life and Family Planning

Our sex life is mediocre, but I love her and accept that. Right now, we have sex around one time a month. There are different reasons for that. First, we work different shifts, so it isn’t easy to get enough time together. Also, we have quite different expectations about sex. I like it a little bit dirtier; she is more vanilla. Also, in the beginning, she told me she wanted kids. Even though I also want kids, I don’t want them now. When we met, I finished my mechanical engineering degree and am now building a house. If the house is built, I think I would be ready for kids, and she said she was okay with that. But for that reason, we always use condoms besides measuring her temperature.


Two weeks ago, shortly after her 35th birthday, she went to her STD gynaecologist and got tested.  In Germany, this is a common procedure. If a woman turns 35, she gets tested for HPV every 1-3 years as some cancer detection. However, this test turned out positive. So, as far as I know, you get STDs exclusively from sex, and you either get symptoms or get rid of the virus within a few months up to two years.

Concerns About Fidelity

In my past relationships, I was cheated on multiple times. So I’m a bit sensitive in this regard, and she knows that. But I always trusted her so much and was never the jealous boyfriend. For example, I let her go salsa dancing even though I‘m pretty sure her dancing partner wanted more than ‚just a dance‘, but I never said anything to her, just to myself, that I‘m being paranoid.

Seeking Answers

So, what do I want to know? Is it possible to inherit STDs without symptoms for (over) 4 years, or is it possible to get HPV without cheating? And what are the chances? Are there any doctors or people here with similar experiences?

I never cheated, and when I asked her, she said she was loyal. But that‘s what I was told the last time, also…

It is very hard for me right now. I want to be there for her since she may develop cancer, and in this scenario, she most definitely won’t become pregnant. But on the other hand I don’t want to be there for someone disloyal.


Early Experiences and Initial Concerns

I am a 38-year-old male. And I got with a girl in early 2004. I had a little smell for a day, but it disappeared, and I did not think anything of it.

Then, in the spring, I got with a different girl. She said she had had an irregular STD pap before I got with her. That girl and I lived together for the summer. While I was living with her, I noticed a small red bump on my pubic line that looked like a pimple. I did not think anything of it. The girl went away to Europe for the fall semester.

Wart Development and First Removal

While she was gone, the red bump turned into a small wart at my pubic line. I got the HPV wart removed. I went to visit her in Europe and did not tell her because the wart was at my waist, and I did not know if it was genital HPV or not. She had already been exposed to sex that spring and summer, and I did not want to ruin her time in Europe that semester.

This was 18 years ago, and I still need to find out if she was with anybody else in Europe. She returned to the United States, and I would visit her at her college in 2005. The wart returned, and I went to get it removed; the nurse put too much TCA acid on my waist, and it burned the skin around the wart and left a scab.

Miscommunication and Unprotected Sex

I visited her at her college and thought it was the last time I would see her for a while. The HPV wart was above my pubic area, so I thought it might not be genital and told her the scab was from an iron, and we had sex. One night, the condom broke, and she got the morning-after pill. Our next sexual experience, she asked if I wanted to have sex without a condom, and we did.

A couple of months later, an STD wart appeared at the base of my penis, and I told her, and she was nice. We went to a concert together later that year. Then, I did not see her for two years, and when I did see her, we kissed and cuddled. Then, I visited her later in the year, and we had sex again in 2007. I had written about this in my online biography, and nobody said anything. Then she started trying to have my whole city say the sex with the scab was rape. She consented to the sex, and I am just some guy who wishes the best for all living things dealing with something from 18 years ago.

2006 Incident and Accusations

In 2006 I had sex with a girl at a party without telling her I had had a wart on my pubic line and at the base of my penis. We then had sex another night. Then we had sex in the morning. We wore condoms for the vaginal sex. I did not say anything to her about the HPV because I thought my body was clear of whatever I had. She is now calling me a rapist.

That girl heard I had sex with a girl in the bathroom of a hotel-type place I was working the front desk at in 2007 when I started sucking on the girl’s tits in the bathroom while I was working, and she asked, ‘Are you doing your job?’ I said I was working, and she replied, ‘If you were doing your job, you would get a condom.’ so I got a condom, and she placed herself on top of my dick and rode for a while, then I did her missionary style. The girl returned the next year to go camping with me, but I was paranoid I was getting something and just cuddled with her instead of having sex. I did not tell her about the HPV because I thought my body was clear of whatever I had. Now people in my city are saying it was rape.

Clarification and Current Status

I didn’t try to spread anything; I thought there was nothing to worry about. The HPV vaccine commercial says, ‘Most people clear most STDs on their own within 2 years.’

These athletes have not been called rapists, to my knowledge.

I had a wart on my waist in 2004 and on the base of my penis in 2005. I did not have anything for 16 years, then I started smoking a lot of cigarettes and had an anal biopsy of something in 2021 that ended up being a wart. Then after smoking more cigarettes, I had red bumps appear on the membrane of my penis. I went to the doctor and got Aldera to put on my body, and the bumps disappeared. And I have not had anything for around 1 year or 6 months.

I have had 2 of 3 HPV vaccine injections. Planned Parenthood stopped taking my insurance, and I went to a regular doctor asking for the 3rd injection, and he told me I was too old for the HPV vaccine.


The Bumps, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying, Accept HPV, and Tell Potential Partners of My Status.

I was diagnosed with HPV, the Genital Wart causing variety, about 9 months ago. My ex didn’t know she had it until the little guys showed up one day, and then I had about 8 (!!!) show up on me 2 weeks after we broke up. Figures, right? I am still dealing with a few here and there, but I finally have the little bastards under control.

I feel dirty

So, these past 9 months have been a roller coaster of emotions. Some days, I feel ashamed, and I am hardly able to have interactions with the opposite sex because I feel dirty. It doesn’t bother me other days; I can forget about it. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the topic, about clearance, transmission, how common it is, etc., and have concluded that people don’t know much about this disease. Some say that you are not likely to be infectious after clearing the HPV warts for 6+ months. Some say that you remain infectious for the rest of your warty days. The amount of conflicting information on the internet is maddening.


So, I’ve been completely celibate since finding out about my HPV Viral diagnosis. I would hate more than anything to give these little bastards to anyone else, knowing how much psychological trauma this causes. Physically, it’s nothing, but mentally it can screw you up.

My Problem

So there’s this girl who I am very interested in, and I know she feels the same way. We had our first date the other day, and she wanted to get closer. But something inside me pushed her away. I don’t want to get close to her and then disclose my status only to be rejected by her because of my STD. I know I will have to talk, but good, I am scared shitless about my HPV disease.

As much as I like this girl, part of me wants to call her and tell her why it won’t work out and not tell her why. I worry that if I tell her and she rejects me, she may gossip, and all my friends and coworkers will know.  No one knows right now except for a few STD doctors and pharmacists. It’s a heavy burden to carry.