Is my world falling apart?

This Herpes Test essay was submitted anonymously after the author visited some of our STI Interviews. She wrote a short story instead of answering the more traditional STD test and interview questions.

Genital Infections and a Torn ACL

I’m 20 years old, and I’m currently a sophomore in college working towards a degree in athletic training. A year ago, when I was a senior in high school, I went to the doctor because I was in tremendous pain and was informed I had HSV1 genitally, also known as a herpes test.

My world fell apart…I had just torn my ACL and meniscus while playing soccer, so being told this news and also losing soccer, I felt like life was pointless. I didn’t want to go to school and honestly felt beyond depressed.

No one was there for me when I had my STD Home Test but my boyfriend, whom I contracted it from. He has HSV1 orally or herpes of the mouth. My boyfriend didn’t know he could transmit the virus to me orally when he had a cold sore, but unfortunately, that’s how this happened.

I have never been told what herpes was; I just heard of it being this disgusting thing that everyone joked about. However, I did know that it lasts for your whole life.

So not only did it make me upset, but it helped me understand how others with STDs felt because not only is this a part of my identity now, but it offends me all of the time when I hear jokes about it.

People have been misinformed about what it is.

Being told I had herpes was a traumatic experience, but I don’t let it define me as a person.

Finding Emotional Balance is safe and protects you from outbreaks

My life hasn’t changed much besides the fact that I’m growing up.

But it has changed how I deal with my emotions. If I get too upset and emotional, an outbreak and a Herpes test could be needed.

This has only happened two other times since I had my first STD Panel Test outbreak. The other two outbreaks didn’t hurt much, and I would take medicine prescribed by my doctor to heal it. But nothing will compare to the pain I experienced emotionally and physically the first time I learned I had herpes.

The pain was indescribable, like my skin was burning and my heart was as well. I took some of my pain medicine from my ACL surgery just to be able to sleep that week because of the pain I was going through physically.

Would never wish this pain upon anyone. It wasn’t fair that I had to go through this without knowing my significant other had this infection and could pass it to me. I would encourage everyone to think twice about getting his or her partner checked and knowing their STD Test status before doing anything sexual.

How Others View My Status

I have had a few friends who didn’t want anything to do with me after knowing I had a herpes test. But my family, my boyfriend of 2 years, who gave me the Herpes virus, and many of my close friends were there for me in my hurting time and accepted me.

When I told my two best friends, one a guy and another a girl, they were supportive and listened as I told them what it was. It made me feel blessed to have good friends and family around me.

I see this as something God put into my life to tell others, encourage others, and give people a different look. I am a stronger woman because God put me through this.

If no one stands up around me, and we laugh and make jokes about this, it’s almost like racism or discrimination if you have a Herpes Type test. Bullying others in secrecy, not knowing that I, or anyone else, has herpes or any other STD, is wrong.

I want to stop this bullying and inform students and the younger generation around me to be careful.

How This Affects Relationships

When I cried to my boyfriend on the phone as I left the doctor’s office (he is also my current boyfriend). I thought he was going to leave me. But he did the opposite; he drove right over to my house and was so angry with himself.

I was so mad at him for giving me this virus for the rest of my life.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how people would view me, especially my parents. Or if I didn’t end up with my boyfriend, what my future husband would think of me because I have herpes?

My parents were very upset as the Herpes HSV Type Test showed I was infected. But I remember that night laying in my bed hysterically crying, my boyfriend holding my hand, my dad sitting by my feet, and my mom praying over me. I’ll never forget that moment because no matter how awful the situation, it united my family and made us stronger. It made me realize that this can happen to anyone.

I just thought people with STDs were strippers or someone who slept with a lot of people. Like most people, there is widespread misinformation.

I was a virgin, in the traditional sense, and still got it. That blows my mind.

It’s Still a Struggle Sometimes

It isn’t always positive.

I remember this past summer. When I went in for my yearly pap smear test, I decided to go to my mom’s doctor, a woman. I was new to that office, and I informed the doctor’s nurse that I had HSV1. I was trying to get a refill of my medicine.

She looked at me in awe and said, “You need to keep that under control and not spread it.” I was in shock. Replied: “There’s nothing wrong with what I have,” she ignored me.

I cried as she led me to the doctor’s room and told her I wanted to speak with the doctor. When the doctor came in, she saw me crying and just comforted me. She said what the nurse told me was wrong. She made me laugh, and I felt less uncomfortable. But the rest of my day was ruined. I went home, and my parents were furious.

Don’t even assume just because someone has an STD Virus Test that they are “dirty” or not “worth” anything anymore.

I know there will be good days and bad, but I have yet to meet someone my age who is dealing with the same thing I am. I’ve read Herpes Home test testimonials, but I want to meet someone who understands my troubles. That’s why I wanted to reach out to The STI Project. One day, I want to be an encouraging speaker on this or give people hope.