Real People Stories – Hannah
The guy I was dating left me because I didn’t disclose HPV sooner. I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months. He disclosed before we were intimate that he had genital herpes. I spoke to my doctor and gynaecologist and decided I was okay with it, and we decided to start being intimate safely. I forgot to tell him that I was positive for an HPV strain a few months ago. My PAP was negative, but I tested positive for an HPV strain.
My doctor made it seem so insignificant that I didn’t even think about telling him. I’ve never really talked about HPV with my partners because it’s so common. A few days ago, after we had sex, he told me that one of his friends got checked, and it turns out he got HPV from their husband. At that moment, I remembered I had HPV and blurted it out. He didn’t react great but decided to talk to his doctor.
His doctor wasn’t concerned but told him not to give me oral for 6 months. He is/was concerned he was going to get throat cancer or pass it on to someone else. Today, he ended things mainly because he felt I wasn’t transparent and didn’t like how I responded when we talked about it. He said I was “cold” and dismissed his feelings about it when we talked about it. I’m unsure if that’s true or not.
Am I a terrible person? Did I do something wrong? This has never been a big issue for former partners. I’m trying to reflect on what I could have done better here rather than tell him sooner.
Jonathan
I’m a guy who probably has HPV. I love sex, but I don’t want to harm anyone. Having to explain it to partners sucks.
Hey folks,
This one will be a bit long, but I spent a lot of time reading and researching STD tests. In addition to writing this for help and advice, I’m writing it in the hopes that this can be the collective thread where people share thoughts, ideas, coping mechanisms, morale and reassurance regarding HPV. I’m sick of being alone on this, and I’m sure others out there feel the same.
tl;dr: I probably have HPV. I don’t like the idea of being a potential disease vector, and I don’t want to harm future partners. I met someone I like. I’m struggling with having to explain this awkward situation. Also, this isn’t medical advice; it’s my HPV experience. If you think you might have problems, SEE A DOCTOR! Anyway, here’s my story:
Late 2011
My ex and I start going out.
Aug 2012
She tells me she had an abnormal STD pap smear test. She’s (understandably) super embarrassed and in tears. She says she had the vaccine but the vaccine doesn’t cover all strains. I wasn’t vaccinated, but it probably wouldn’t have helped since it didn’t help her. She explains that her doctor said the risk for guys is very low. I’m a bit taken aback and silently wonder who gave it to whom, but ultimately realise that it’s unproductive to think about that anyway. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, so for a while, I stress out about me and her getting cancer, but then it subsides. Doc says to keep having sex won’t change anything at that point. We keep having a healthy, loving relationship with great sex. No symptoms or signs.
Early 2014
She breaks up with me, which is a bit of a shock and quite a bad time. But then I commiserate with some friends, go on a trip, get some perspective, realise it’s not really about me, and life continues. We talked again and are on good terms (but not together anymore). Around this time, it occurred to me that I probably have (/had?) HPV. I decided not to think about it for a while since I want to take a break from relationships/dating and not worry about it until I get some regularity and peace of mind.
Now
I meet an amazing lady out of random chance. Sheer dumb luck. She’s extremely intelligent, can hold interesting conversations (major pants dropper), is fun to be around, beautiful, and just an all-around brilliant person. We hung out for a while the day we met, then met again the day after, and have been talking on the Internet since. I’m reasonably certain she’s also interested, and I’d like to try my luck on asking her out on a date. I want nothing more than to have a great time with her discussing all manner of topics, wine, dine, have fun, and if she’s okay with it, take her home, cuddle, kiss, and bang. But shit, I might have HPV. 🙁
How it feels
The idea that I won some cosmic lottery to be a walking, talking cancer vector feels shitty. It takes the joy out of you sometimes. I realise now that this description is a bit dramatic, but that’s how I felt at the beginning, and periodically so. You then realise that it does mostly go away and rarely does it cause major problems, but it’s the uncertainty that gets you.
When will it go away? Do I still have it? Why does it take so f*king long for it to die? Would anyone even choose to date a person with an STD? What would my friends think? Given the ridiculous misinformation about STDs and tests, would they ostracise me? What did I do to deserve this? (Hint: No one deserves to get an STD, and no one gets one because they deserve it or anything crazy like that.) Is my sex life over? Will I ever find a partner?
Being a nerd who was an introverted late bloomer and who only recently gained self-confidence, I’m enjoying the newfound attention I’m getting. It’s a damper when I’m having a great time with a girl, and then I get into the attitude of “Oh, but this can’t / won’t go anywhere.”
I would be devastated if I knew that I harmed someone, let alone in this way.