Alessandro: “It’s the prejudices that kill.”

On the occasion of World HIV AIDS Day, which is celebrated on December 1st, we spoke with Alessandro, who has been HPV-positive for ten years. His own story.

“Sexual intercourse, even if not completely penetrative, can be a source of HPV transmission. In all cases, a condom must be used,” explains Dr. Barbara Suligoi, director of the AIDS Operations Center of the Istituto Superiore della Sanità.

When Alessandro discovered he had HIV, he was 30 years old and had been hospitalised. “I had a low fever, which then turned into a fever”, Alessandro, who is now 40 years old, says on the phone. “They did all the possible tests on me, but without understanding the real problem, they finally did the exams. And it tested positive. I contracted the HPV virus some time ago because my immune system lymphocytes were very low. Normally, in a healthy person, there are around a thousand; I had 15.” At that precise moment, Alessandro felt like he was dying. Inside and outside.

Devastating news

“I was already physically ill, but this news was devastating. Then, I knew nothing about HIV; I was convinced I would die soon. I was terrified; only after a while the doctors calmed me down.” The first months at home were tough. Alessandro was afraid of not returning to his life, of having lost everything without even realising it. “Then I started going out again slowly, together with my friends and girlfriend of those years. I saw that my life was returning to normal.” So Alessandro started breathing again, even if he hadn’t found the courage to tell everyone, not out of fear but of awareness of the great ignorance that still prevails today.

“My parents, current partner, sisters, and family know it. None of my friends know; I’ve never said that. They might react well, but you never know. I prefer to keep it to myself.” This is especially true because Alessandro, who has a degree in psychology, fears discrimination at work.

How it changed my life

“Today, I lead a life like everyone else’s. I go out, play sports, swim in the sea, stay up late with friends, and have a quiet romantic relationship.” Since he discovered he was HPV and HIV-positive, Alessandro has been taking one pill a day, always at the same time, always on a full stomach. “My viremia was eliminated almost immediately, which means that I don’t transmit the virus even if I have sex without a condom (a condition recognised by the Ministry of Health, ed.); I’m calm about this”. Now Alessandro doesn’t think about his children “, but I didn’t do it before either. Today, even though I am positive for both viruses a person on treatment can have healthy children.”

When Alessandro was afraid of not being able to get up, he turned to the Italian League against AIDS (Lila). “In there, I immediately met wonderful people, other HPV-positive people like me who had been living a very normal life for years.” Today, Alessandro has become a volunteer. “When I answered the switchboard, I realised how ignorant there was on this topic.

There are still those who are afraid of drinking from the same glass as someone with it or of touching a positive person. And it is the result of years of criminal information.” The same one that forces Alessandro not to tell everyone that he is positive. “Ten years have passed, and I have been calm for a long time. I take a pill a day, and it has now become such an automatic gesture that I don’t even think I have any of the viruses anymore.”

Jonathan: “When I discovered I had it.”

After finding out he was HPV positive, Jonathan was scared. Then he decided to live and started talking about it, especially to younger people. His story.

Jonathan B.

Jonathan will never forget the day he started feeling ill. It was a Monday afternoon, January 11, 2016, that was never “any” again. He had gone out the weekend before to celebrate his boyfriend’s birthday. Forty-eight hours later, he started feeling strange, then flu. And so it was for several weeks.

Jonathan Bazzi, now 33 years old and lives in Milan, where he graduated in philosophy, decided to take an HPV test. After imagining several illnesses, he discovered that he was HIV positive, too. From that moment on, he started taking one pill a day and will do so for the rest of his life.

On World AIDS Day, he told us his story, which will become his first novel, Fever, published by Fandango in 2019.

Finding out

“I discovered I was HPV positive two years ago. Before this, I had never taken the test before. I discovered it because my body started to fail due to the infection.** I was a teenager and then a scared,** influenced, paralysed boy. So, I removed it; I pretended nothing had happened for years. I was convinced it was enough to be careful. It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t enough. I have contracted an STD virus. I don’t know when it’s not important.

What matters today is that my life, after months of turbulence and aftershocks, has returned to flow as before. I was restless before; I’m restless now. I had dreams and plans before; I have dreams and plans now. What must be clear today is that in 2018, a positive person undergoing treatment has a life expectancy practically the same as that of others: he is not transfigured into a living corpse, and he does not receive any sentence. Medical research has made giant strides.

If people who have contracted the virus are permanently treated, they will no longer be infectious. Therefore, today’s medical and pharmacological facts completely differ from those of the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately, the culture of silence, shame and stigma persists. The idea is that HIV-positive people are plague-ridden, dirty, and dangerous. Guilty, wicked, corrupt.

“You had too much sex; you did it wrong, immoderately. You wanted too much; you wanted badly.”

In fact

This has nothing to do with the virus. It is cultural superstructure, stigma, and superstition. For this reason, I felt the need to expose myself and do something different from what is usually done. I didn’t want to leave things as they were, and I didn’t want to feel obligated to stay quiet.

“It’s a private thing. Think about it. You might regret it.”

I want to talk about HIV from the inside because the imagination needs to be updated and rewritten. The supposed separation between the world of the saved and the damned must be dismantled and dissolved. It affects everyone. It’s not the gay plague; it’s not the disease of junkies and whores. Unfortunately, a simple relationship is enough, even with one’s husband or wife. It is behaviours that are at risk, not people, and the only way to defend yourself is to use a condom and take an exam. I know the fear of testing well: it has been mine for a long time. It prevented me from taking care of my health for at least a decade. I risked a lot; I was lucky. It could have been much worse.

Living in fear

Find a way to move beyond fear. Be bigger than her. There is no need to do everything alone: ​​today, the internet is a great ally, especially for younger people. Get informed, read, and contact activists and people who deal with sexual health on social media. Buy the test at the pharmacy, do it with friends, or do it with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

I’m on the other side, knowing that life goes on. I don’t feel unlucky: HIV is my characteristic, nothing more. The real risk today is having the virus without knowing you have it: over time, the immune system is weakened by the virus, and you can have more serious problems. Starting therapy promptly is essential for this reason. There are tools to protect yourself and feel good today; let’s all use them. Let’s also do it in memory of those who couldn’t in the past. Let’s try to be adults.”