Real People Stories – Mason

20 Years of HPV tests. I’ve had recurring HPV cancer symptoms for almost 20 years now, and I admit I’ve been in denial about it for some time, thinking after each STD test and treatment that they would go away. Still, I just underwent treatment again 3 months ago, and it’s time I face the truth: it’s official—they aren’t going away. Each time I have to remove them, the dermatologists always express surprise that I’m back and have had this for so long. I am in the rarest groups where my immune system isn’t healing from the infection.

This is my STD life of disease, and it’s difficult not to think it’s over. There is no way to know if I have just the “safe” type that only produces warts or if I also have the type that will give a woman cervical cancer. No woman I have told about my condition has shown interest in finding out. I completely understand I am a walking “deal breaker”. I can’t even have sex with a condom on, even without any symptoms. Basic contact with the skin could infect someone with HPV. Maybe they get warts and can heal from the STD type of infection. Who wants to sign up for that, let alone the risk of having them forever or dying of cervical cancer?

I feel horrified and disgusted when I think of the woman I must have infected because I wasn’t aware of my situation, that I wasn’t healed and never will be; the STD infection is permanent. But I hope that they were able to heal from the infection and live a happy life. I’m truly sorry about that.

Final thoughts

So, my only options as I see them are abstinence and loneliness. Or I become an asshole and do not care if I infect anybody. I admit my mistake in living somewhat that way previously. I did believe I was cured, so to speak, that I had passed the infection after each treatment. But now that I know it’s not going away. I can’t do that to someone. It’s not something I can keep secret if I want to start a relationship with someone. That would be the worst. But damn, do I miss human physical contact, even just the idea of never holding hands, never getting to put my arms around someone? It’s enough to darken any day I can see on any future calendar.

So yeah, I’m new here, mostly just writing my thoughts to find some help, answers, or directions. Sorry for the depressing post; again, I’m dealing with a lot and running low on hope. It’s an odd feeling now, going to the doctor; they look like they would completely understand if I jumped in front of a moving train. I am completely screwed.

Thank you for allowing me the space to vent.


Been living with HPV for about 3 years now, and it’s not going away. Where do I go from here?

So I contracted Hpv about 3 years ago, or at least that’s when I saw the first wart. The strain I have doesn’t seem to be going away and manifests a lot of warts, not only at the base of my penis but spreading outward in about a 1-inch radius. I was prescribed Podofilox (I think that’s the name), but it doesn’t help much.

It causes me a week of misery while warts necrotise and fall off, leaving me with painful, raw, burning skin in that most sensitive area.

Then, a week later, they were back again. All that pain was for nothing, so I stopped even trying that treatment. I’ve been celibate ever since I noticed the first wart. I stopped trying to date or have any romantic encounters of any kind. Not only would no one WANT to touch/date someone infected, but also I would rather die than pass on this curse. I’m terrified of taking someone out on a date and having it go amazing, only for them to drop me like an anchor when I tell them what I have.


This, and other stressors, drove me to attempt suicide a while back for the 2nd time, leaving me with permanent injuries (although relatively minor considering I hit a tree going 100mph). I’m in a much better place, so being alone is easier but still difficult. However, I can’t take being alone anymore.

The suicidal ideation has been much more intense recently. I also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m afraid that if I don’t get back into the dating game now, I’ll lose my few flirtatious social skills and make another attempt on my life. I’ve tried std dating sites, but honestly, you’d have more luck standing in a street corner shouting than finding a date on one. So, where do I go from here? How do I approach the STD subject on a date? Are there any GOOD dating tools someone with my affliction can utilise? Thanks for staying with me.


HPV Positive results caused mental block-unable to orgasm easily.

I struggle to orgasm, and I recently found positive HPV and abnormal cell results in my last PAP smear. This is causing more distractions during sex, making it harder for me to orgasm. Consequently, I feel like damaged goods. Last night, my partner (30F) asked if it was due to a mental block, expressing concern that I might be bored during sex. This thought upset me, as it’s not the case at all. I want to ensure he doesn’t feel that way again.

I’ve always had difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner, likely due to undiagnosed ADHD. While I enjoy sex regardless of orgasm, my partner (40M) has always been incredible, going the extra mile to ensure my satisfaction. He’s seriously attractive to me, and we’re extremely compatible both in and out of the bedroom.

However, recently, during a routine IUD replacement, a long-overdue PAP smear revealed a positive HPV result and abnormal cells. HPV is common, and it’s difficult to pinpoint when or how I contracted it. I’ve had multiple partners since my last STD PAP, and we’ve had threesomes with women during our relationship, making it challenging to trace back the STD infection.

Final message

The results coming back suggest a looming potential for cancer caused by HPV, in addition to HPV being an STI. It is distracting me a LOT. We are currently waiting to have further testing done to see if the abnormal cells are cancer. And since we’ve been each other’s primary partners for a while, he’s got it, too-though there is no test for men. So we could pass this back and forth to each other, and the longer the virus sits, the higher the risk of  HPV Type cancer. This is a big concern because I don’t know how long it’s been there for me. This could also cause cancer for him, too, which we can test for at some point.

I feel like damaged goods from these results. And I’ve been having a harder time reaching orgasm, which has already been a struggle for me.

But last night, my partner checked in after sex as it was a lengthier session because I took longer than normal. He asked me if it was just the mental block we’d discussed. I told him yes. It’s the HPV/cancer distraction. He asked again later in the night, ensuring it was that problem. He also asked, “Are you sure you’re not bored?” I felt horrible about my STD distractions, and I struggled that I caused him even to think I would be bored with him enough not to be able to finish.

What can I do to help him not feel like this is the case?? I’m engaged in sex, focused on making him feel good. But I’m struggling to focus on my pleasure enough to reach orgasm. It’s absolutely nothing to do with him/his performance. I want to make sure he doesn’t feel like that again. 💔