Real People Stories – Charlotte

My boyfriend has an aversion to me because I got infected with HPV and have condylomas. Some time ago, I was tested and infected with HPV by my ex-boyfriend. I have decreased STD immunity and increased stress during the last three months. And a few condylomas appeared on my labia. For over a month, I have been trying to solve it.

First, it was an abrasion in the gynaecological STD clinic and then a burn with nitrogen, and I still have some, but I am trying to solve this inconvenience. I decided to tell them about it all to my partner; I wanted to inform him about what the problem is and what the potential consequences are, to make sure that he doesn’t have it either or that he can be treated and that it would be good to solve it so that he should go to an STD urologist or venereologist.

The whole problem is that he finds it revolting and disgusting.

He doesn’t treat me nicely like he used to, making me feel unattractive. So, there’s also an attraction problem, and he’s opposed to any more cuddling or possibly having sex with protection. Overall, I feel like I’ve become quite estranged because of it. I have to note that 3 months ago, I was still being treated with STD antibiotics for mycoplasmas and ureoplasmas. He knows about it, and I also gave him antibiotics.

Due to this STD situation, our relationship feels stuck, with many things left unsaid. Whenever I try to discuss HPV, I get a negative reaction, or my partner completely shuts down. He may be hurt, but I’m determined to mend our rift. Right now, I’m still determining how best to respond. I want to keep him manageable, yet I’m also concerned about preserving our relationship and considering how to improve things.


Very, very frustrated about HPV. Is there any information I am missing that might help?

Back in 2007, a girlfriend mentioned that she had undergone a procedure to remove cervical cells due to an infection. She shared this information with me after we had already engaged in HPV unprotected sex. At the time, I didn’t think much of it because I was unaware of HPV and its test and health implications.

In 2009, another girlfriend told me that she had an abnormal pap smear and would have to have a procedure. I connected the dots back to 2007, girl. This was when I learned all about STDs.

In 2010, I started dating a new girl.

I told her all about the STD test issue up-front before we ever had sex and that she should assume that I was still carrying it, even though I had no way of knowing. I talked to a doctor about it. She talked to her doctor about it and decided she wanted to date me anyway. She got an STD and had to go through the damn cervical procedure too.

I saw a comment in another thread where a guy said he felt like his dick is a weapon that can give women cancer. I saw a comment- “Oh man, your dick isn’t a weapon. 90% of people ‘clear’ it in 2 years.” Well, I appreciate the sentiment and the statistics, but fuck that. All evidence indicates that my dick is most likely a weapon that can give women I like HPV-type cancer. At this point, for practical purposes (definitely not intentionally), I am essentially using every girl I date as a de facto male HPV test because the fucking medical community doesn’t consider a real test a priority.

It has been five years since I presumably picked up the virus. I have a normal, healthy immune system. I get a little head cold about once every two years, but I am otherwise as healthy as the large farm animal of your choice.

Here’s where the frustration comes in:

I still have to tell women who want to date me (and there are always a lot) that they’re playing Russian roulette with their STD health

Even if they decide they want to risk it, I still have to live with the dread that this is ultimately going to cause someone I am very fond of a lot of anxiety, hassle, and physical discomfort (at best)

Apparently, from what I understand, STD doctors will not do one fucking thing to help, even though they maybe could, in theory (e.g. testing males).

Is there anything I am missing?


My ex-girlfriend claims I gave her HPV, and she got invasive cancer within 3 months. Is this possible?

After 4 months of no contact, my ex-girlfriend texted me to inform me that I was a carrier of HPV 16, a high-risk type of HPV and that she had been diagnosed with stage 1 cervical type cancer. These two reasons that this is impossible:

1) I have not had sex with anyone except her well beyond the 24-month cutoff for male STD regression, leaving us with a 1% chance that it had anything to do with me.

2) Even if I were a carrier, she claims she went from “an abnormal pap smear to stage 1 cervical level cancer in a few months.” It starts as cervical dysplasia, not cancer, potentially (but rarely) occurring as fast as 3 months from the time of infection. Without treatment, it can progress from CIN stages 1 through 3, then potentially form cervical lesions. Finally, if those are not removed… many years later… develop into invasive cervical cancer.

Most likely, this is a latent STD infection that she’s been carrying for over a decade.

She’s had at least 7 sexual partners.

5 before I met her, myself and 1 (that I know about) after I met her. She doesn’t seem to realise that condoms are not preventative and only reduce the risk to ~30%.

She’s a liar, but she claims that her doctors have assured her that she developed cancer within months. I’m trying to figure out if I might have overlooked something or if she’s genuinely attempting to blame me for something that’s just causing her a lot of embarrassment.

She suffers from a rather severe case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Her texts to me regarding her HPV disease all concluded with “Blocking you again now.” The funny part? I’ve never attempted to contact her. It’s a sad, infantile grasp into the air to feel some “control.” I wonder if her delusions are strong enough that she truly thinks I gave her this cancer or if this is just an overt manipulation tactic. It’s an outright lie to frame herself as a victim, her favourite frame to wallow.