Real People Stories – Henry 

Did she cheat on me? HPV question [32M] with a [30F]

Been with my partner for over 16 years (high school sweethearts, so they say.) We got HPV tests, and we were clear. She cheated on me in our younger college years, and she even admitted it to me after undeniable evidence was revealed. We got a full panel of std test and were clear. It was a wreck, but we ultimately overcame it; she promised it would never happen again.

After all, we were teenagers… I forgave her and moved on – we stayed together. I made out with a girl around that time out of angst (I was probably 23, and the girl was in her 30s – don’t doubt for a minute she was easy and opted not to take it further) and never have touched another girl sexually since. That’s been about ten years ago.

She’s the only person I have ever been with. In my early teens, I made out with a lot of girls and even finger-blasted a few of them. I lost my virginity to my significant other around 16, and have never had sex with any other girl.

Healthy Issues and Lingering Doubts

About 2 years ago, I got a wart on my dick, which manifested into over 20+ of them. I tried treating them with some OTC wart creme, and the pain was so horrendous I stopped treating them. Seriously, I figured my dick was going to fall off with how bad it was, and the OTC liquids burned like a motherfucker. Previously, around the same time, she had a pap come back as abnormal, and her gyno performed a LEAP. Once she had to have that done, I knew she had HPV, and the reason I got warts on my dick was because of this… Ultimately, it all cleared up on its own. My dick appears to be wart free and has been like this for over a year. They miraculously just disappeared. I assume my body just cleared the STD virus.

She swears she was faithful after the shit that happened back in our early 20’s. Over 10 years have passed since that shit went down. Can that virus lay dormant that long and coincidentally cause her to have an abnormal PAP while, at the same time, my dick broke out in warts of STD? Was she unfaithful, and did she contract this way back then, and it just reared its ugly head recently? I should add I suspected her being unfaithful again when she started going out and working out with a dude that was over an hour away…

Approaching Resolution with Sensitivity

It bothers me daily, and I never questioned her about it, assuming it happened way back then. I just assumed her relationship with that guy was strictly platonic. I don’t want to start a fight with her about this, but it still bothers me.

Stella

How do I tell my boyfriend that I have HPV?

To begin, no, I have not even had sex before, and this is my first boyfriend (we haven’t even kissed yet; the relationship is also still very new, and no, we haven’t shared anything). Just a day or two ago, I went to a throat specialist because I had a weird feeling of pressure in my throat. He said he didn’t know what that was and wanted to monitor it. However, he found a wart just behind my uvula.

Confusion and Discovery

I was shocked because I have had that HPV wart for probably 5 or so years. I never thought much of it because it doesn’t look like those bumpy warts you find on Google image but just like a second uvula, so that’s what I thought it was. He said you could get it from kissing or sharing drinks and that you have it once you have it. I’ve only ever kissed two people in my life, and I’ve had the HPV vaccine.

Navigating Emotions and Relationship

I’m sure I’ve had this before my first kiss, but I don’t know anymore. I asked an HPV doctor last year and this year what it was, and they said it was just a polyp (and obviously, they were wrong). I’m also going to see a gynaecologist just because I want to get everything checked up and ask them more questions about it. The throat doctor seemed nonchalant about telling me I shouldn’t mention it since so many people have STDs, but that wouldn’t feel right.

I know I want to be closer to them physically in the future (and he does, too), but overall, I feel terrible and gross. Like I feel I can’t have sex, and I’ve never gotten to start. How do I tell him without becoming a crying mess? I have links and everything prepared to give him info on it, but even just thinking about how to start makes me nauseous.

Timing and Resolution

Also, I want to tell him soon because, well, the sooner, the better, and also, if he breaks up with me, it’ll be better to drag it along. Please give serious answers only. Thanks.

Patrick

How/When/Should I tell future partners that I had genital warts?

I just finished reading a post about a woman who found out her boyfriend of two years had hidden his HPV diagnosis. Everyone in that conversation seemed to agree that she should break up with him for not telling her. It terrified me because I had genital warts before and didn’t know if or how I should disclose them.

My main dilemma is this: I’ve been asymptomatic for six months. My STD dermatologist said this is enough time for it to be extremely unlikely to be contagious, especially without a visible wart. He even said I don’t need to tell people and can have unprotected sex with exclusive partners.

Statistics and Risk Perception

Also, 75% of people will get HPV in their lifetime, with the vast majority never being symptomatic.

I had unprotected sex with an ex for three months while I had a wart on the middle of my dick. She tested negative for HPV. I didn’t know it was a wart because it appeared where I had a cut before. I stupidly thought it was scar tissue or something.

While I know this doesn’t mean I can’t infect others, I was smoking a lot when I had the wart. There’s a chance the HPV strain I have is mild and wouldn’t have turned symptomatic without the tobacco. I have reason to think my strain is mild and easy to cure.

Fear of Disclosure and Relationship Impact

What I’m afraid of is this: if I tell a new girl I’m dating I have HPV, I can’t see how she would want to stay with me. It feels unfair to disclose it because the chance of infection is almost non-existent. The stigma around it is far out of proportion to the actual effects of the symptoms. The single worst thing about having caught genital warts is the fear of giving it to others and what others would think. I don’t believe a girl will want to stay with me. Sex typically happens within a few weeks of starting to date, so I wouldn’t have the rapport with any girl for them to “know me” enough to want to stay with a guy they just met who told them he had HPV.

When you search Google for the exact STD question in my title, the consensus seems that you don’t have to tell your partner after 6 months of no symptoms. So, that’s what I had settled on doing. But then I saw the other post I mentioned. And now it’s terrified me of keeping this from any future partners. I don’t want to leave any future partner feeling betrayed and ruin a future relationship. Still, I also don’t want to ruin countless prospective relationships before they even happen just cause our society stigmatises HPV so badly.